DOWN to the MAX!

Today, i wan go BB house.

normally is my mama dont let de.

so this time i ask her permission first.

she let me go.

den now, my baba dont let me go.

y???

cuz he say wan bring me go hospital check up.

nobody tell me anything bout it.

so many days i'm free they dun wan bring me go check.

purposely wanna wait for the day where i already plan my things.

why they always plan things never tell me wan?!

always last minute tell me den spoil all my plan?!

this holiday i never get to go the place i planned.

i always look forward for holiday.

study hard during exam den enjoy afterwards.

but now...things changed.

last time my baba say every holiday i get to go for 1 week to any place.

wat happen to that promise??

now i just ask for three days also canot d.

i most hate when people say different den do different!!

i'm so PISSED OFF!!

aaaaarrrgggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

i hate my baba's temper.

abit abit wan to get angry den scold people.

plz la..

people got feelings wan k.

dont think everytime i juz keep quiet means i dont mind.

my patience have limits.

i used to be a happy-go-lucky girl.

but now my mood is terrible.

because alot things change.

its not the way it used to be.

and once my mood's down, its very hard to gained the good one back.

it takes a long time and console. 

and tats the time where my brain starts to think negative.

i always say to people who commit suicide or cut themselves or do anything stupid to themselves

: why so stupid wan do that to urself??

now i know how they feel.

when people are down, its hard to control and the mind starts to think wrongly.

tat includes me.

actually, i'm not a difficult person to handle.

u just need to understand me well and know how to handle me.
i need someone to hang on, supports me, and have lots and lots of patince.

i have to admit that i'm still like a small kid.

probably if u treat me like a small kid, i'll be happier.

small kids always get more care, more hugs, more pampered with gifts, candies.

tats why i always one someone romantic.

cuz they know how to do things to make me feel touched and happy.

make me feel cared and feel sweet.

i treat people the way i wanted to be treat.

but i juz feel its a waste of time.

like i'm ss-ing.

when u keep doing something but dont get some feed backs, u get tired.

tat applies to me.

i'm tired and i'm slowly stopping to do watever i did.

these few days i've been very down.

i even cry rfew times d.
my mama even noticed that my eyes are swollen due to too much cying.

FYI, i'm so lonely at home.

i juz need company and some time to do my stuff.

why is it so hard??

i'm rotting at home.

if this continues, i'm afraid i'm going to be an introvert person.

i noticed tat nowadays, i'm starting to avoid people.

always wan to be alone.

cuz i've been trained to be like this.

i wasn't like this before.

everyday i juz lock myself in the room at home.

juz because i dont feel belonged in this house.

the people in this house are like strangers to me.

hard to talk to, uncomfortable feelings aroung them.

i love my family.

but sometimes they juz step on top of my head.

i always did my best to entertain them.

take care of their feelings.

even be the centre person.

but who takes care of mine??

everyday i juz live to take care of other people.

i'm getting tired.

i'm reaching to a point where i'm juz going to ignore everything and care only bout myself.

i dont give a damn anymore bout other people.